Pick’Em & Parlay (Week 12) — The Turtle Got Fired Episode

Damien St.Pierre
11 minutes ago
2 min read

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Group Chat Podcast: Pick’Em & Parlay — The Week Turtle Got Fired

Featuring: Coach Brian Callais & One Empty Chair (that may get thrown)

Welcome back to the most dysfunctional gambling show on the internet — the Group Chat Podcast: Pick’Em & Parlay, proudly sponsored by Buzz Off Mosquito Control, Down South Cards & Bats, Lafourche Concert & Events Club, DTB Clothing, Martin’s AC & Electric, Neil’s Small Engine, Riley John’s Blue Boot Foundation, Performance Automotive, Better Call Badeaux, and Precision Agra Spray (the official sponsor of our collective delusion).

This week starts with breaking news:

🚨 Turtle has officially been FIRED.

Not “on leave.” Not “stepping away.” Not “exploring other opportunities.”

FIRED — for the crime of… not sending in his picks. Twice.

Brian Kelly wishes his buyout was this clean.

With Turtle gone, Coach Brian Callais steps into the studio, and the boys immediately try to put together the world’s saddest $5 parlay — a parlay that might hit for the first time in human history simply because Tommy isn’t allowed to participate. (He’s 0–ever. A perfect record.)

We’ve got:

🏈 Damien betting like he’s trying to speed-run bankruptcy

🏈 Nick still insisting the Broncos are the best team in football

🏈 Tommy eating popcorn mid-show like he’s watching the downfall of mankind

🏈 The Wizard choosing teams based on mayoral scandals and which cities he “loves being in, Chaz and Chad.”

🏈 Coach Callais trying to be the adult in the room but getting dragged into khaki slander

Then it’s on to the Pick’Em — where the standings are tighter than a Happy Meal budget at Turtle’s house.

Tommy somehow has a one-game lead (must be cheating), the Wizard is powered by conspiracy theories, Nick is dropping the weekly Kiss of Death, and Nick's Wheel picks LSU so it doesn’t get Clintoned by Arkansas.

And yes:

⭐ We discuss whether Turtle will still be allowed to wrestle in April.

Spoiler: It’s not looking good.

By the end:

– The guys have turned Bobby Petrino into a WWE villain

– Nick curses Baker Mayfield & Harlem Berry

– And the Wizard declares his loyalty to Latoya Cantrell for absolutely no reason whatsoever

This is Pick’Em and Parlay — where the takes are hot, the bets are bad, and the HR department doesn’t exist.

🎧 Tune in, laugh, judge us, and blame Tommy when the parlay inevitably dies.

🐢 R.I.P. Turtle (the employment, not the human… we think).